Motherhood has taught me so many things, and keeps providing refresher courses just in case I forget something!

One thing that having kids has taught me is that you really have to be flexible. I don't mean Gumby flexible, but flexible with your plans, schedules, and expectations. This is a struggle for me. I like to make plans in advance. I like things to go according to plan. When that doesn't happen I have an inner freak-out.

It seems like the minute you become a mother, a Murphy's law goes into effect. For example, if you plan a doctor's appointment around your child's typical nap time, that will inevitably be the day that they fall asleep right before you are getting ready to go. Got a birthday party to attend? That will be the day your kid wakes up with a fever or throws up. Got a photo session scheduled? Your kid will run into a piece of furniture and get a black eye the day prior. It just seems like if you make some sort of plans something comes up.

And now that I have TWO small creatures my chance of my plans NOT panning out has doubled. It's very frustrating. I am constantly reminding myself that it's not a big deal if things change. Sometimes we skip Baby Bounce class. Sometimes I have to flake out on my friends. Sometimes I miss a planned workout. Sometimes we come home early from outings. Sometimes we re-schedule appointments.

I used to HATE when people flaked on me or changed plans or were late. Now I am much more understanding. I have motherhood to thank for that.

I am still a recovering inflexible person. I have relapses every now and then. Like this morning when I had got up at 4:45 am to pack Jeremy's lunch and do a workout video in my living room. I am about 5 minutes into the video when I hear my Nattie Boo start crying. I hold off getting her for a minute, thinking she *might just* fall back asleep. Not a chance. So I stop my workout and pick her up.

As I am getting her a drink and a banana I am MAD. I think, "why can't these darn kids give me just 30 minutes to myself!" Then we sit and cuddle on the couch and she wraps her little hands around me and rests her head on my shoulder. It's in that moment that I realize how lucky I am to have that time with my beautiful girl. My workout can wait.

Sometimes we need a gentle reminder like that, of how amazing being life is. Changing plans, and all!

I have been in a religious "funk" since right around the time I finished my undergrad program at state (yes, it's been about 6 years!). I just can't get into church and I can't put my finger on it. I haven't felt a calling or draw to attend myself, much less drag my hubby/kids there. Religion is a very personal and emotional topic, so I want to give my disclaimer here. I do not mean to offend anyone else's beliefs or religion- I am just tossing out my personal feelings.

I was raised Catholic - baptized, confirmed, the whole nine yards. I felt pretty good in my beliefs all through high school and college. I enjoyed the Newman's Center church in Las Cruces; they seemed to provide a friendly and inspiring atmosphere for worship. Then when I moved to Albuquerque I didn't really make time for any sort of church - I was starting my master's degree and a new demanding job.

First Holy Communion

We moved back to Grants and decided to get married in the Catholic Church. It was the same church I grew up in and one that Jeremy's parents were married in. So the decision was sort of sentimental. Jeremy and I did the "Engaged Encounter" retreat in Albuquerque and really enjoyed it. Then when we got back my "disenchantment" with the church began...

Me & My Aunt at my confirmation in High School

We went to fill out forms for marriage and the whole thing felt like an interrogation. They wanted to know why Jeremy was never confirmed. They were bugged that we were already living together. I got frustrated because in a small town, you know everything, and I have seen plenty of folks who've had kids out of wedlock still get married in our church. They have all these rules and procedures and whatnot and I am just not convinced of their importance sometimes. Needless to say, we were still married in the church.

Our Wedding, 2009

Jenna's Baptism

Then my frustrations continued when we had our kids baptized. They were so picky about who their godparents could be. In their eyes, these people had to have all the church credentials and be following all good catholic rules. In my eyes, I wanted to choose people whom I thought would love and care for my kids as their own, if something happened to us; people who would be good role models to our kids.

Nattie's Baptism

I also get frustrated with the Catholic Church's mass format. I am just not feeling so inspired by the chanting and kneeling and silence. Sometimes the homilies are so boring and dry I don't even know what they were about to begin with. Half of the time I am thinking about what to make for dinner or what color curtains to buy... I don't like that they want you to go to confession and talk to a stranger about your mistakes. I don't like the fact that priests can't get married, that women can't be priests, and that the Catholic Church seems to have or had a pedophile problem.

It's not only the Catholic Church that freaks me out... I just can't help but wonder if some of these big churches I've seen in Albuquerque are working harder to make money and have these fancy elaborate campuses with hired staff than to actually use the money to help their members or community?

All I know is that I am now feeling the pressure to raise the girls with some sort of beliefs or faith. I just don't know how to go about it. I know that I believe in God. I am a spiritual person. But I suppose in my head I feel like living a good life and being a good person entails helping your neighbors/community/etc, treating others with kindness and respect, respecting our bodies and our resources, and loving each other. I just don't know if I need to sit in a building once a week out of obligation to believe that or teach my kids that? Or maybe I do?

Now that I got that off my chest I have to decide what to do. Attempt taking the kids to the Catholic Church and see what happens...try and find another religion/church to try out...or just try and teach them stuff at home? So pray for me that I "hear" my spiritual calling whatever that may be.

My beautiful babies make me smile...